The serfs of Verona

Moving forward.

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 12:57:54 GMT

- Found a job. Part time but it's a start.

- Have a couple of projects to work on right now that will hopefully turn into profitable ventures.

- Taking my first Krav Maga class this morning. The first one is free but I'll try and work out a deal with them so that it doesn't kill my wallet and I go on a regular basis.

- Also trying to find a therapist to talk too. Basically to try and work on some of my anger issues and also I find it much easier to tell everything I'm feeling to a disinterested third party than to my friends.

- Inching every closer to being back in school. And I did not know this but UCF has a climbing gym as well so once I am back in school I am going to take definite advantage of that.

- Going to start doing P90X soon with my mom. Apparently it's ultra intense and difficult but anyone I've asked that did it said it was the best thing they could have done. I really want to have one of those hard bodies. I'm a little too doughy right now for my liking.

Basically the point of my life right now is to work on myself as a person. Try to look better, learn some new skills, understand my anger and sadness better so that I can handle them better so that I am not constantly moving between the two and make more money for myself.

Edit: Forgot to add that I also have taken an interest in cooking as of late. Going to make those gourmet meals and such.

Sad/Angry guy time:
It sucks thinking about Sue so much. And it's weird now too because I love her but now I'm just really angry. I'm angry at how things ended, I'm angry about how she always expected me to forgive her but she's so unwilling to forgive me. Really, I wish I had not met her at all. I wasted almost an entire year of my life so that she can start to follow her dreams. She started nursing school and got a new car. A week and a couple of days after she got her car, she left me, slept with another guy within hours after leaving me and oh, her reasoning for sleeping with him? "He made me happy." Yes, I'm sure some douchebag rich kid with a trust fund makes you happy.

I'm sorry, I didn't know me stopping everything in my life so that you can follow your dreams didn't bring you happiness.

I just feel like I got used by her and then after she got what she wanted she just abandoned me. So I was left scrambling trying to find a job and money while she's out having fun all the time and going to school.

And now it's like I barely even exist to her.

Honestly I want her to get the rest of her things, block her number and pretend that I had never met her and if I could I would just erase her from my memory altogether.

Realization.

Sat, 17 Oct 2009 18:34:21 GMT

So looking at the score right now I'm not exactly at a high point in my life. Unfortunately I've had to say that more times than I'd like to admit. I've been sleeping on a couch for almost a year, I have maybe $2 in my bank account, my car is acting up more and more, going through a very confusing break up and a whole laundry list of other problems on top of those.

But here's the thing. Those things do not matter.

What matters is that I am making things better piece by piece and worrying about my problems doesn't do me any good, trying to find the solutions does. And I know my problems may not be completely solved by today, tomorrow or even a couple months from now but I have a feeling that I'm going to wake up one morning and I will realize that I have lived through a very difficult situation and come out on top.

And knowing that helps me sleep better at night.

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 15:03:46 GMT

I'm hurting pretty bad right now. Breaking up is stupid.

To be honest.

Wed, 03 Jun 2009 14:36:18 GMT

I think I deserve better. I think I deserve to have a significant other that I can trust completely because although I may be in love, I still can't say that I totally trust her because I really don't think that she deserves my full trust. I'm hoping that with the passage of time I will be able to do so again. But if not, then I will end up my relationship with Sue. It's just been way to much shit for me to deal with and that's the thing, it seems as if I'm dealing with all the bullshit. I'm the one dealing with her mom first referring to me as the Dominican, her dad referring to me as "him". While my parents never did any such thing to her, hell when she came out to Texas my whole family came over and cooked a nice dinner and everything. It's just things like that really irk me and it just never dawns on her.

I'm the one that she brought out to meet that asshole in case they didn't get along and what did she do? Slept with him the next night! I mean I know we weren't officially dating or anything but that's just a shitty thing to do.

And all because she was confused. Because you know, when you're confused about a relationship the thing that you should do is have sex with someone else right?

Also just got back from a trip throughout Scandinavia and eastern Europe and it showed me there's still a lot of things in this world that I need to see and many more beautiful things that I should experience.

Okay, I feel better now.

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First Tattoo

Sat, 28 Feb 2009 03:53:24 GMT

My favorite geometric representation of the Fibonacci sequence.

Also even after getting this I am still a total wuss when it comes to needles.

I hate Corpus Christi.

Mon, 02 Feb 2009 06:16:50 GMT

And I want to go back home.

Official

Tue, 23 Dec 2008 00:18:58 GMT

So I have a girlfriend now and you know I feel pretty damn good about that.

Mon, 01 Dec 2008 20:30:37 GMT

So I guess we're pretty much getting evicted out of my house. Awesome. Oh well, at least I got a bag packed with my most valuable stuff and a couple of pictures.

My dad said he'd give me gas money to drive back to Texas but frankly I don't want to go back. I like Sue a lot and she seems to feel the same way, I have good relationships with all my friends and like it or not Orlando is my home and even if I have to sleep in my car, I'm not giving up.

So today I went back to Valencia to see about financial aid and getting back into school. I figure if I'm a homeless son of an immigrant I could get at least some sort of financial aid to get back into school and get my life together.

It was funny though, with everything bad that has happened in my life, it takes me getting knocked on my ass before I take charge and make things better. That's a habit that I think is going to be broken pretty soon.

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 19:38:51 GMT

I've pretty much been having the best week ever and I cannot wait for how good next week will be.

Meanwhile back in Texas...

Sun, 19 Oct 2008 22:25:31 GMT

Called my parents house yesterday and spoke to Mimi. She was telling me about what was going on there and how last weekend was the annual Jazz festival that my Dad, Grandpa Bob and I would go to every year. I obviously haven't been able to go since I was 18 and my father is out in California which only left Grandpa Bob there.

Apparently he was let down because he couldn't go this year. Mostly due to the fact that he is up there in years and they seem to be catching up to him more and more and was afraid that he might get hurt if he went over there just by himself.

One of those small things that's been making me kind of sad lately.

But on a good note, Bekah's wedding is soon. First one of my friends weddings that I've ever been too. Planning on going with Caressa who would pretty much be my wife if she wasn't a lesbian but we always have fun and she's agreed to teach me how to dance so I consider that a win. Plus, I couldn't think of anyone else to go with... well that's a lie. I could but I don't really know if she's with anyone or what all was going on with that. We'll see. I'll probably just give it another day or two of thought before I give her a call.

Wed, 10 Sep 2008 06:45:22 GMT

I think I'd be pretty happy if I found someone who enjoyed driving around and listening to Miles Davis as much as I do.

Truth.

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 02:48:48 GMT

Indeed.

Not really complaining.

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 20:26:17 GMT

Working what has got to be over 80 hours a week can get to be a little much but all I have to do is keep my eyes on the prize.

Wed, 28 May 2008 03:18:04 GMT

Some days I just feel like a gangsta. This is inspiring me to come up with my own gangsta rap mix. So far it's got T.I. and Rick Ross. Yeah yeah, I'm working on it.

So I have a job, I like it and everything and if I sell well enough I can make a lot of money and really help out my family here but I also have an opportunity to be a camp counselor in the Boston area for under privileged kids. The only problem is, summer time is the really busy time for the timeshare industry and where most people make a lot of their money which is the exact time they would need me for the counseling job.

Just a moment ago I was thinking about why I never seem to listen to anyone. The conclusion reached is the feeling of superiority for me and the comfort that brings me. It's one of the few things my ego can still use to its advantage even though the common sense part of my brain scrolls across a huge list of things that I've done wrong whenever I think like that.

Maybe I should leave Florida for a bit, get a real view of how my life is once I'm outside of the situations.

Tue, 13 May 2008 19:41:04 GMT

I am standing on the cusp of something huge and I am more than willing to jump.

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 19:05:46 GMT

Well that's probably the most disturbing thing I've seen since the age of 16.

I love my grandparents.

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 17:44:06 GMT

Grandfather: This asshole in a truck that's covered with rocks is hitting my hood and scratching it so now I need to get the whole entire fucking car repainted.
Me: You should have machine guns installed on there to get him out of your way.
Grandfather: No, not powerful enough. I am going to have a rocket launcher put on next week though.

Grandmother to me: Your grandfather is having trouble finding the road.
Grandfather: (Mutters something and ends with fuckin' bastards.)
Grandmother to grandfather: Will you shut up I'm trying to talk to Anthony.

Grandfather: You got a job interview tomorrow, eh? Well just remember to cross your i's and dot your t's.

Sat, 15 Mar 2008 13:18:19 GMT

I'm going to miss my dad. It was nice hanging out with him for a few days while he told me stories about when he was 18 and what life was like for him in Miami at that time. It's weird to realize that at one point in time my father was actually the cool guy and would DJ and party and all of those types of things and then now he mentioned yesterday that his spring break project is teaching Jeremy how to ride a bike. Strange times.

Also seeing the hottest hostess on the face of the planet was a nice highlight.

Mon, 03 Mar 2008 07:53:42 GMT

"She didn't seem to care
she smoked in her room and colored her hair"

The problem is you have to keep on forgiving until you forget.

Mon, 18 Feb 2008 04:47:32 GMT

Sometimes in Texas people just band together to form clusterfucks of idiocy.

Sometimes.

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 07:51:13 GMT

I really wish I wasn't the sounding board for so many people's problems. It's draining, they mostly complain about things that I've never even gotten to experience and then for the most of these people, whenever I have a problem they don't even fucking bother to return my calls or anything.

It's difficult to treat others so well and then to be treated like you hardly even exist by them, until they need something. I fucking hate users.

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 06:32:24 GMT

- I'm pretty sure most of my life would have been amazing if I could have been drunk throughout most of it.
- My beard is itchy but I like it too much to shave it off yet.
- Cold weather running tears my lungs apart. It feels good.
- I am definitely missing something. I know what it is too, it's just difficult to get a hold of.
- Lately I'm having trouble differentiating between whether I don't let things bother me anymore or if I've just become numb to everything
- I'm pretty sure I could live on a steady diet of buffalo wings and sub sandwiches from Publix.

Tue, 15 Jan 2008 04:52:17 GMT

Life has been good.

I've got good friends, a cute girl and a good job that is only going to get better. I'm putting school things back together so I will probably start again in the summer and yeah, pretty much no complaints here.

Phone conversation.

Sat, 05 Jan 2008 09:32:19 GMT

"I want to be back home so bad right now."
"I don't even know what home is."

*Phone dies*

This is getting fucking ridiculous.

I am going to go to bed, go through my day tomorrow and then have a couple of drinks and then call her again. This time with my phone plugged into the wall.

Tue, 01 Jan 2008 15:43:31 GMT

I was thinking about it last night, and although one or two good things did happen this year it was a conversation that mostly consisted of me saying "2007 can go fuck itself."

Thinking about it again this morning, I realize how right I am.